So for the majority of you who happen to not be hockey fans, October 1st starts the hockey season, it also happens to start the best 3 months in sports for me. Hockey, Nascar and Football all going at the same time. Granted, to pull off watching every game and every race you will have to get yourself a DVR and record one of them every so often, then comes the tricky part. You must then avoid all the sports updates and all the Twitter messages so you don’t find out what the score or results are before you have a chance to watch your recording. You must also avoid the text messages from your friends asking you if you saw that incredible goal that just happened, unfortunately you didn’t see it because you were recording to watch later !!  So I find the best way to resolve all these problems is this. First turn the TV up so loud that your wife gets mad and tells you to turn it down, look at her with that look like you can’t hear what she’s saying, she will shake her head at you and get up and leave. Now the tricky part, the kids.  For the first 5 minutes they will think the TV being that loud is kind of cool.  You might have to wait them out for ten minutes or so, but eventually they will get sick of the noise and also leave. My advice would be to record the Nascar race, they are about 4 hours and have a lot of commercials that you will want to fast forward thru. The football games must be watched live. Personally, I watch the Eagles games live and ALONE. This is just a set rule at our house, Sunday mornings the living room and TV are mine and mine alone.  Now this is just a small look at what goes on at our house the next three months. If  you don’t happen to  follow all three of these sports I highly recommend you starting. Get yourself a DVR, a nice wad of Redman chewing tobacco and good set of “house rules” and sit back and enjoy. Good luck and may God bless the Eagles, the Sharks and the #5 car of Mark Martin.

For the one’s that might not know, tomorrow (Tues. the 15th of September) is my wife’s Birthday (Mariah). Please join me in wishing her a very happy 32nd Birthday. You can e-mail her at Mariah@oliveirafamily.com.

Happy Birthday Mariah, Hope you have a great day  !!!!!

What kind of things would you do if tomorrow was your last day on earth?

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What would you do if tomorrow was your last day.

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Yes, I know it’s only pre-season, but it’s sure better then anything that’s on TV. I may have said this before but I don’t want to go back and look at my earlier posts to check. Why cant networks have shows that run all year long?

Anyway, pre-season football is a lot like my sister-in-law baking cupcakes, it starts out as something that your really looking forward to, and ends up something that may have been better left undone. I’ll explain a little. My sister-in-law Victoria would come and say “Hey guys, I’m gonna bake cupcakes”. Of course I’m all for anything with frosting.

So she starts taking out all the pots and pans and eggs and flower and whatever else cooks take out when there feeding about 80 people. So as I sit watching some kind of sporting event on TV, she’s in there, pots banging, eggs cracking, blenders blending, sounds like an episode of “Hells kitchen”. She takes a break to go to the bathroom (sorry Victoria, but yes we all know even you must use the bathroom) she comes out of the kitchen covered in flower, eggs dripping from her fingertips and I’m thinking “WOW, these are gonna be some good cupcakes. You know the kind that you can eat like 5 in a row then 15 min later have another 3 of them”.

So now shes back in the kitchen (It’s been about 2 hours of cooking at this point) so I decide to get up and take a peak. I look in the kitchen and it looks like somebody put a stick of dynamite in a 9 tier wedding cake. There was stuff everywhere. Batter on the ceiling, egg juice on the floor, frosting on her eyebrows. I just shook my head and went and sat back down not wanting to say too much and miss out on a dozen or so of these cupcakes that i have now been waiting 2 1/2 hours for.

Then came the magic words I had been waiting all day to hear “Bill your cupcake it ready” I thought to myself “My cupcake?” you mean my CUPCAKES!!. . But I again didn’t want to make her mad and loose my 2nd, 3rd, and 4th cupcakes. So out came this beautiful cupcake. I mean this thing was like 14 year old boy looking at a Farrah Fawcett poster in 1983, It was breathtaking. golden white cake with a bright creamy white frosting. As I reached out and took it off the plate i was thinking ” just relax and take little bites and enjoy all her hard work”. But then I said “screw it ill just have more when I’m done with this one” needless to say 2 bites later the masterpiece that Victoria made was gone. She stood there in complete shock and asked me “why the hell did you just shove it in your mouth like that?” I said “because it’s a cupcake, now can I have another one please?” She looked at me for what seemed like 10 minutes when a small single tear started to slide down her flowery (baking flower) cheek. I said “well can I have another?” She paused one more second then yelled, “THAT WAS THE ONLY ONE I MADE !!!”  I looked at her in disbelief, then I paused and turned my head towards the kitchen to look at what can only be described as a bakery bombing and said “are you serious”? She just ran in her bedroom with egg and flower and frosting falling on the floor behind her.  Not sure exactly what all this had to do with football, but 98% of this is a true story. Victoria , I don’t think I ever got to say thank you for that cupcake. It was a little too sweet, but thank you.

First before I start the 10 things not to do, I first need to thank my Dad for digging up the picture of me on the top of the site, and thank my wife for posting it for him !!!

OK, so on to the countdown……

#10 – Don’t watch the new late show with Conan O’Brien.

#9 -   Don’t think you will ever call a business anymore and talk to a live person without going thru some kind of automated system, and don’t worry, you will still have to give the same information to the person that eventually answers your call.

#8 -  Don’t use the word “Numbnutts” around your 4 year old (trust me on this one) anything you or your wife, or other son do that seems wrong to the 4 year old, will be followed by “Good job numbnutts”.

#7 – Don’t play “Farm town” on Facebook. Very addicting yet with all the time you spend playing you could have actually planted a garden and built a farm in your back yard.

#6  – Don’t put your kids TV on top of a 4 drawer dresser. A 4 year old can figure out how to pull out each drawer a little more then the other to make a small ladder to climb up and rewind the dvd player.

#5  – Don’t eat yellow snow. (an oldie, but still applies after all these years)

#4  – Don’t ever send racy e-mails or dirty jokes to your husband or wife without double checking that you haven’t clicked the “send to all addresses” button.

#3  – Don’t think you really don’t look “that big” when you see a picture of yourself. It’s a PICTURE, it looks exactly like you, because it IS you.

#2 -  Don’t think you will ever just walk into a cell phone store and buy or upgrade a phone without spending at least a hour. Make sure the phone you want is worth the wait.

And the #1 thing not to do unless you have to………………………

Never answer the question “Do i look fat in this” when asked by a woman. Just pretend you didn’t hear and walk out, get your keys, hop in your truck and hang out somewhere until enough time passes that there is no way she’s still trying to figure out what to wear.